Sorry.

Maybe I'm being too much. Maybe, this is just a dream. Maybe I'm being a dramatic girl. I dont know. But I'm sorry you guys. I never want to be in this way. I'm sorry.

Eya.

Sahabat

Kawan? Sahabat?

Aku rindu sebenarnya. Rindu persahabatan yang telah terjalin selama 5 tahun. Semakin hari, semakin jauh.

Tak, persahabatan sahabat lima orang yang hanya kekal selama 3 tahun. Semakin berpisah, semakin jauh.

Sebenarnya, aku tak pernah kisah kalau kau ada kawan baru ke pape ke. Kawan biar seribu kan? Aku tahu. Aku faham. Kelas lain, mestilah kawan baru. 

Tak kan la nak kawan dengan orang sama je.
Tak kan la nak duduk sorang sorang.
Tak kan la nak buat sombong dengan orang.

Tapi yang aku tak tahu. Yang aku tak faham. Kenapa semakin lama, semakin aku tak kenal kau siapa?
Kenapa semakin lama, semakin aku tak faham dengan perangai kau?
Kenapa semakin lama, semakin aku tak boleh nak buat macam biasa?
Kenapa semakin lama, semakin kau jauh?
Kenapa semakin lama, semakin kau menghilang?

Kenapa? Try to make me understand. Once. Only once. Cause if you're trying to blame someone else, you should try to make them understand first. I've tried to understand you. But you off the limits. You're trying so hard to hurt me. Oh you know what? You did it! Congratulation babe.

Hidup

"Tatkala panas terik, aku harap hujan datang.
Tatkala hujan lebat, aku harap pelangi muncul.
Tatkala pelangi muncul, aku masih berharap.sesuatu yang lain akan datang."

I always wonder what do I want in my life? Is it love? Or something else?
I always wonder is this kind of life that I want? Cause it doesnt seem that perfect.
Or maybe I didnt even want perfection in my life?

Maybe I know the reason why Allah made me brighter than others in the family.
Because, He knows that I'm going to face something hard in the middle of hardness.
Because, He knows what's best for me.
Because, He knows that I need to prove that in the middle of hardness I can still achieve the best in my life.

And yes, I'm going to prove it.
To prove that I can.
To prove that I can survive.
To prove that I am tough.
To prove that I am the best!

With all the hardship now, may Allah ease everything for me in the future. InsyaAllah.

Espiyem

I don't think anyone know the existance of this blog. Hehe it is kinda fun actually. Like you can talk whatever you want cause no one will ever read this anyway. So, I'm going to face SPM really soon. In three days time. I am so nervous can die like this. I need to get straight A's. I need to prove to everyone that I can. Though with all this sort of problem, I need to prove to myself that I still can do it. Deep down, I know that I can do it. But I'm so freakin lazy to read and what not. Aaaa aliya. Please do something.

Truth

Yes, I knew the truth. Yes I just did. And it hurts me so bad. And I know, I had felt this for a very long time till the day before yesterday, when the truth reveal. When the truth was right in front me. Waving saying good bye. And all I can so just to watch it all go without saying anything cause I know till then, it is just not worth to try it all.

Asdfghjkl

I am so stressed. Okay I dont. But it seems I am sometimes. I just em Idk. Sometimes, I need someone to like spend their times with me. Like talk to me. Okay tbh, I feel a little bored and so-taknak-layan thingy when it comes to someone that I dont want to talk to. Like I am so weird. I am the kind of person that I just want to talk to someone that I want to talk to. Oookay. This sound so weird. The point is I wanna talk to you. Cause I feel so comfortable to tell you anything. And I am so stressef cause we've been like this. Ughhh what is wrong with you? It seems like you dont even want me. At all.

☆

Is it wrong to still have hope in this? I dont know. Maybe one day, i'm gonna let this go somehow. And when that one day come, I'm surely gonna let this all out.