Heartbreak 💔

He would say I dont deserve to talk about heartbreak bcause he is the one who having it right now. But does that mean, my heart doest matter anymore? For this past 4 days, he acted like he could do anything to me. Like, anything. He could do his annoying face to me whenever I talked to him about simple things. He could just say anything that he wanted to. But when I'm getting a little bit angry or sulk and what not, he would tell me "I'm still angry and I dont forgive you yet" that was his reason all the time and I couldnt do anything. I have no power. I'm useless. 

There were so many hurtful words, hurtful action but I was there, keeping my mouth shut because I was the one who made the biggest mistake. And since then, my heart was no longer important. Every love words were no longer getting replied. And I had to take everything inside. Keeping everything and bursting it out every night with tears because only tears could make me feel better 😞

Mistake.

Maybe I just can't let this inside for too long. He was there all the time, undeniable. Through thick and thin, up and down. With me all the time. 

On saturday, we went out with Tom, and then we met Puteri at KLCC. So while eating at Benz, Puteri told us Andrew was on his way. When he reached our table, he just put his hand right in front of me. I was stuck for a few mins, and I'm telling you it was an awkward situation. I mean he can just pull out his hand, instead he just put his hand like that waiting. And I dont know why, maybe bcause he wss waiting for too long then I decided to shake his hand. But not that long, just for a second. And then I kept quiet for the whole conversation bcause I knew Afiq was furious. I can see through his eyes. And I dont know why he didnt see how serba salah I am. Even Tom can see it and he told us about it but still he can't accept it. It is just the way he is. 

The next day, I was having fever. A really bad one I guess bcause I was throwing up and having headache and stuff. Luckily, he was there all the time. So I thought we were fine but apparently we were not. He kept telling me, he could not still forget the image in his head. I could not blame him either. And I asked him how long it's going to take, and he answered until the image was gone. Which I think going to take forever. He said taking care of me was only one of his responsibilities. I'm not blaming him to not forgive me, but even Puteri touch him, even Nadia also. And I didnt even say a word because I couldn't. My complain to him was just a trash. I couldn't say anything. 

The one and only.

The one who truly understand me and stay through up and down. The one who cured my heart when I'm in miserable pain. Thank you for showing yourself when I really do need someone to be by my side. It was you who made me realise that there actually exist some kind of bestfriend-boyfriend relationship. It was kinda like a dream come true when I always dream to have a tough (kasar) boyfriend which would treat me like his friends but at the same time adore me like his only one. I'm lucky to have you. You always make me feel like a princess and I will never understand, how can you stand my windy attitude. Even if millions against our relationship, if we stay together, nothing will bring us down 😉

With love, 

Eya.

Effect 😒

How can one effect the other one so bad like you tend to cry when you heard the news? How can someone doesnt think about other people? Like whatever he do, he is still one of the important person in our life. Not the most important one. Not anymore. But he is still one of the important one. 

The news - going to have another sister/brother that I'm getting right now give so big impact on me. I dont know. Things become so slow. Everything so wrong. 

Everything is wrong. 

Im sorry afiq, I let go all my temper to you. I know it's wrong. Somehow it effects you too cause of me. I promise I wont do it again. I wont disturbed you anymore. It's a promise. 

New class - a month class

Being in the class with random ppl do make me realise that awkward situation could actually be handle. I mean, I might not be that talkative with someone that I dont know but well, I can adapt myself in that particular class. I'm a little bit quiet but, that's only because I dont find the perfect friend yet. Well, slowly I'm trying to find one. You know, its hard to find someone who can adapt with you. Hm susahnya.

Fade.

Well, you became you again. Guess, the sweet you changed huh? Oh and the love fade away? Okay. Thanks for the beautiful two months and what so ever.

Alhamdulillah.

Ya Allah! Alhamdulillah. Terima kasih kerana Kau makbulkan doa ku Ya Allah. ALHAMDULILLAH. There's no other word that can describe the best feeling in the world. All you wanna do is smiling and smile and smile all day long. I still can't believe. SPM is super hard. I'm telling ya (unless you terer in certain subject) But to balance all of it, Ya Allah tuhan jah tahu. That's why you cant focus in certain subject, you have to balance everything. I've never got an A for Bio or Bm. Even A- pun. But Alhamdulillah. Miracles do happen.

Getting 4A+ and 5A made me realise that we can achieve something beyond our abilities - cause actually I kinda think like it was impossible at first hehe. But with smart work and effort, you can change something. Of course at last all you need to do is to tawakkal.

Hehe Alhamdulillah.

p/s: This post had been in the draft for a month already. So yeah, a little bit late.