In relate

"Did you know that kind of feeling when you're thinking, you and him were couples but actually you are not? Did you know that kind of feeling when you're thinking you and him were not couples but actually you are? And it keeps twisting all around like it doesn't have its ending. And you have this kind of confuse feeling. Because he told you that he loves you and he showed that he cares and all of sudden he just disappear. And then, we just don't know what to do cause we are so lost without him."

This is my feeling right now. This is where I stand straight to think what should I do. And I really don't know how to describe it with words. Cause there is no suitable words for this kind of feeling. If I would say I started to love him, you will say I lie, cause I only know him for like 3 months. But actually I think I do, cause that things makes me feel so, strong and wanted and confident. Did you know the only thing that make me still hold on to something that I'm not sure is your words, your promises?

"You promise me that you won't leave me, you promise me that even though we're not texting you'd still love me and like me, your words saying that you'll only love me and there's no other girl. You keep telling me to have faith in you. You're asking me to wait. You're telling me that I am the one. You're keep saying that you'll only like me, only me"

That! That kind of words keep revolving in my head, saying I should trust you. Have faith in you. Stand still without you. Cause I know you will come back in matter of time. Yes, saying this "that you will come back" is something I am not so sure. Tell me how am I supposed to be so sure when we're already losing each other for almost a month and half.

I lie. Yes, I did. Lying to my friends, to my best friends, and to myself. Telling that I am confidently okay with this situation but.. I am not that strong. I can't tell this to anyone, even my best friends, cause I don't know how to tell them. Yes, I cry, crying, almost every single night, thinking why are you doing this to me. Is it my fault? Just what did I do that makes you change drastically? Is it really my fault? Tell me, cause I need to know. Reading all your texts, make me happy and how I wish things should go smoothly. I am not okay. So not okay. Cause every single day, hours, minutes, seconds I keep thinking about you. Yes, I miss you. I miss us. And I'm really sorry if I did anything wrong to you. I believe in you. I'll wait. No matter how long it'll going to take. I'll wait.